How Clean Is Your Castle?
by SilverSoul
Summary: Don't want to give it away yet! The plot will become clearer as the story progresses! WIP
1. Mysterious Circumstances

Chapter 1

**Mysterious Circumstances**

Harry was in his History of Magic class along with Hermione and Ron, being bored to death by their only ghostly teacher Professor Binns. They had only ten minutes left of the dull lesson when Professor McGonagall knocked on the door. She spoke to Professor Binns in a whisper only teachers seemed to be able to hear. After only a few minutes she turned on her heels, hitched up her robes and hurriedly left the classroom.

Professor Binns shuffled through an old wooden cabinet in the corner of the room and pulled out a few pieces of very old and tattered parchment. He then returned to the front of the class and cleared his throat:

"Okay class!" He said in a dull and lifeless tone.

The whole of the class looked up at their teacher except Ron. He had fallen asleep with his arms folded and was dribbling onto the table. Harry nudged him roughly in the ribs and he woke with a deep grunt. They all looked at Professor Binns as though he was about to deliver some very important information:

"I am going to set you a very, VERY important task which must be completed by tomorrow's lesson."

Ron moaned in disagreement, "You only gave us homework on Monday! This isn't fair!"

"As unfair as it may seem Mr Weasley, you along with your fellow classmates will write a brief description on the life, and indeed death of either Dusty the House Elf OR Colin the Clean!"

Ron who was fairly annoyed by the sudden homework remained in a bad mood and spent the last five minutes of the lesson throwing neatly crafted paper aeroplanes out of the open window. Harry and Hermione however, quickly scribbled down the details of the Homework and book references suggested by Professor Binns to use in the Library.

The Class was dismissed and Harry, Ron and Hermione slowly made their way to their next lessons. Harry and Ron headed for the North Tower for Divination whilst Hermione had Muggle Studies.

*****

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More on the way!!!


	2. A Most Unusual Event

Chapter 2

**A most Unusual Test**

Little did they know that their second lessons of the day would be just as eventful as the first one.

Harry and Ron ascended the spiral staircase to be greeted by the same old painting.

"Oh!! Hello Sir Caddagon!"

As soon as the words left his mouth, Harry wished that hadn't said anything:

"I say, do you like my new Suit of Armour? It has been expertly painted by my good friend Van Goth!"

"Erm…I hate to break it to you but…Van Goth is dead!"

"Dead?? My dear boy no! He stays within the portrait on the fourth floor corridor!"

Feeling fairly stunned by this information Harry and Ron turned their backs on Sir Caddagon only to be blinded by something very shiny!

"JESUS! She's gone and polished that bloody ladder again!"

"What's gotten into her?" Asked Ron.

"I have no idea! Maybe her Inner-eye's a bit cloudy!"

"She needs the bloody thing tested if you ask me!"

The class made their way up to the room above them via the silvery ladder to be greeted by the same sickly smell of perfume and the same hazy lighting…except…something was different…

"Erm… WHERE'S THE FURNITURE GONE??"

Professor Trelawney explained that she was expecting a delivery of brand new classroom supplies as-well-as furniture.

"Where are we supposed to sit??"

"There will be no need to sit down today Mr Weasley as today class we will be washing the china and polishing the crystal balls. Oh… all except you Mr Longbottom…You will be dusting the cob webs!" Proclaimed the over ardent teacher.

M E A N W H I L E . . . 

Hermione's lesson was running smoothly as usual when, as in the first lesson, someone knocked on the door. It was Professor McGonagall again. She talked to the Muggle Studies teacher, who then also looked through an old cabinet in the corner of the room. As soon as McGonagall left the room the teacher handed each student a piece of tatty, old parchment.

"You are to complete this in complete silence. You may Begin…" She barked.

It was a test! A most unusual test. They were being tested on the unusual cleaning habits of Muggles. Hermione was stunned by the sudden test as she hadn't been given any time to revise but as she had Muggle parents she had no problem answering the collection of 50 questions in just under 20 minutes.

Both Harry and Ron's lesson of Divination was over and so was Hermione's last minute exam! The three friends met up in the Gryffindor Common room to discuss the morning's events.

"We had to wash ALL of the tea cups… not to mention the saucers! There were Hundreds of them, Thousands in fact! My hands will be squeaky clean for days!!"

"AN EXAM! She gave us an exam! 50 questions in 20 minutes!! It's ridiculous. What's gotten into all of the teachers? I mean even Filch is on edge!" Hermione declared.

"It's spooky but we still have three lessons left! We'll have to go in a minute, Potions next, don't want to be late!!"

*****

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Still more to come!!!


	3. Bindimun

Chapter 3

**Bindimun **

Harry, Ron and Hermione gathered all of their Potions supplies together and began the long journey to the dungeons.

When they finally arrived at their classroom there was a piece of parchment magically attached to the door. It read:

Lesson 3:

Potions class is to be held in the South Tower, **ANYONE LATE WILL BE SEVERLY PUNISHED!**

"Great…" Replied Ron…"That's all I need. Detention as-well-as **ANOTHER piece of Homework!"**

"Come on we'd better go! It'll take us at least ten minutes to get to the South Tower" Said Hermione.

"Anyone know any good shortcuts?"

Little did they know, they were in for quite and eventful lesson…

After a quick run up many staircases and the use of a few secret passageways, they finally made it to the South Tower. They were late… but the class hadn't gone in yet, they were saved!!!

"Where's Snape?" Asked Hermione "It's not like him to be late for a lesson!"

"SO… Potter and his two trusty sidekicks, do actually value their lives enough to turn up!" Shouted Draco at the sight of the puffed out trio.

"Here we go again…" Muttered Ron.

Draco approached them with a smug look on his face.

"So… Where is it Potter?" he asked maliciously.

"Where's what?" Replied Harry rather puzzled.

"YOUR POTTY! I s'pose one look at Snape and you'll wet yourself!"

Harry retrieved his wand from the waistband of his trousers and pointed it at Draco's chest.

"Say one more thing… Give me one good reason and I swear I'll kill you!"

"You wouldn't dare! Your mudblood friend would have to mutter the words in your ear before you could even throw sparks at me!"

"YOU ASKED FOR IT!" Screeched Ron.

Discarding his wand on the floor, he threw himself at Draco, flailing his arms uselessly in an attempt to hurt him. There was a scramble and the rest of the class huddled around to see what was happening.

"WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON HERE? *IMPEDIMENTA*" Barked the voice from the other end of the corridor.

As the spell hit the squabbling pair on the floor they flew apart each of them hitting the walls and sliding effortlessly down them drained of energy.

"YOU… EXPLAIN" Snape pointed sharply at Ron and waited for an answer.

"He started it! He called Hermione a Mudblood!" Said Ron, blood trickling from his nose.

"DRACO… what really happened?"

"He… he just attacked me sir…For no reason… just started hitting me…over, and over again!" Said Draco obviously lying to get out of punishment.

"WEASLEY… 50 points from Gryffindor for your pitiful display!"

"BUT HE STARTED IT!" Argued Ron, the tips of his ears turning red.

"SILENCE! On top of this Weasley…DETENTION for answering back. See me after the lesson, you too Potter".

"But…but…" Harry was just about to argue when he received a sharp nudge in the ribs. "What did you do that for?" He asked Hermione.

"You would only have gotten yourself into more trouble if you carried on. Just try not to get into any more trouble." She replied, having kept quiet throughout the fight.

The class followed Snape as he entered the room. Harry, who entered last, shut the door behind him. He turned around to see that the entire room was covered in a very thick layer of greenish fungus. Some of the girls squealed as the fungus began to pulsate and they all began to huddle together in the middle of the room where the fungus couldn't reach them.

"This…" Said Snape, his voice full of boredom "Is Bindimun! Can anyone tell me what is does?" He asked. 

Hermione raised her hand but Snape continued to look around as if he hadn't noticed her. She began jumping up and down on the balls of her feet and Snape still ignored her desperation.

Draco raised his hand slowly and immediately Snape nodded at him.

"It rots away building foundations," explained Draco

"Excellent Draco… Ten points!"

"What???" this time it was Hermione who received a sharp nudge in the ribs.

"Sshhh!" whispered Harry.

However snape continued as if she wasn't there. "Bindimun is found worldwide and as you can see we have a fairly advanced infestation. You will be collecting the Bindimun excrement so we can dilute it for Mr Filch!"


	4. Going DADA?

Chapter 4

**Going DADA??**

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The bell rang signalling the end to the Double Potions lesson. Altogether they had collected Six cauldrons full of bindimun excrement. Relieved to be out of the South Tower, the trio quickly headed to the nearest toilets to attempt to remove the strong smell of faeces from their hands.

There was a short break between lessons which allowed the students to return to their dormitories to all required equipment for their last lesson of the day.

"The most boring day of the week and it ends with Double DADA!" said Ron gloomily.

"Well the day is NEARLY over!!" replied Hermione with just a touch of hysteria in her voice.

"Whats up with you?? We have UMBRIDGE!!"

"I know!" she said trying to hold back her laughter.

"What have you been up to Hermione?" questioned Harry.

"Oh… believe me… you'll find out!!" Hermione giggled.

They grabbed their customised copies of Defensive Magical Theory and departed for their usual Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. On the way Hermione let out a few loud giggles and Harry and Ron began to wonder what she had done to be so pleased about.

All became clearer when they turned the final corner to their classroom and got their first glimpse of their erm… new, improved room…

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Oohhhh… getting good eh?

I started this story a while ago but just didn't have the time to carry it on!! Oh well at least I've found time to update one of my stories!! Do you like it so far??

I think the idea behind the story is genius but then I would say that wouldn't I because its MY work!!!  ;op 

Any guesses to what is happening so far?  (if you've bothered to read this much!! If you haven't then you cant be reading this comment then can you? Unless you skipped the first 3 chapters-which are basically setting up all of the clues as to what will happen!-OKAY breathe!!!)

For this story you may need to look up some stuff to get the clues!! Sorry I'm not going to give you all the answers as the best things about J.K's books are getting the clues and piecing it together yourself!!!

Time to go write another chapter I think eh?


	5. Umbridge’s UpperHalf!

Chapter 5

**Umbridge's Upper-Half!!**

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"Bloody Hell Hermione!" said Ron, clearly stunned by her magical genius.

In front of them was the door to their Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom with Umbridge's rear end fused through it!!

"Hermione… Why…How Is she wearing GREEN tights???"

"Hermione… I want that spell! It could come in handy!" said Harry.

"How did you do it Hermione?" asked Ron.

"Easy, I used a Portal Charm on the door when she tripped over her robes through the door. I then removed the charm just in time and Umbridge got stuck half-way through the solid oak door." She said as if she was reading it from a book.

"WICKED!!"

Everyone entered the classroom ans was greeted by Umbridge's upper-half!

"Settle down class!" she barked "Due to this…erm…situation, I would kindly ask you to turn your desks to face me."

"Why?" Hermione asked, clearly spotting that Umbridge's unusually short wand was just out of it's owner's reach.

"Just do as I ask Miss Granger and stop being rude!"

There was a loud scraping noise as thirty pupils dragged their desks to face the door…

"Take out your books and please read chapter seven of Defensive Magical Theory…!"

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Bit of a short chapter I know but I couldn't be bothered to think of anything else to write!

HELP… 

Okay so I need some ideas of how Harry, Ron and Hermione could disrupt the class and annoy Umbridge enough to earn them selves detention!!!

Please e-mail me the ideas DO NOT post them on reviews!!

Recognition will be given to all/any ideas that I use!!

Awaiting your ideas…


	6. They Return To Hogwarts…

Chapter 6

They Return To Hogwarts… 

**__**

Hermione stared blankly at the stone wall ahead of her... she was waiting for something. Professor Umbridge looked annoyed, "Miss Granger, forgive me for saying this but perhaps you're a trifle deaf. I clearly asked you to turn your desk to face me." She explained blankly.

Hermione looked at her watch, "Any minute now…"Suddenly there was a very loud knock at the door. "A-ha!" She shrieked.

Two figures flung open the door and Umbridge was slammed face-first into the wall. The two boys strolled into the classroom and the last one in slammed the door shut sending Umbridge back to her normal resting position within the door, leaving the majority of her teeth on the floor by the wall. Hermione had a smug look on her face as the first person began unpacking a large Dragon Hide suitcase while the other addressed their onlookers…

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls… Prepare yourselves as you are about to be amazed, intrigued and possibly horrified all at the same time! Not possible you say? Well I say anything is possible… Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls welcome to Show and Tell!"

The other figure, who had finished unpacking their suitcase added: "I Show, He Tells and you Boys and Girls… You Buy!!" He flicked his wand and out shot a banner that began to unravel. It attached itself to the wall behind them and words began to materialise form nowhere. On the banner was 3 elaborate, intertwined W's with the words next to it reading… "Exclusive Auction – Today Only!" (You can see my idea of the banner at !!)

"Fred, George…is that you? Bloody Hell!" Ron exclaimed.

"Aah, well is it isn't our dearest younger brother! Did you enjoy your little erm… present last week?" Fred asked.

"No! I had to spend 2 days in the hospital wing after it exploded in my face!" he replied, "Anyway what are you 2 doing here?"

"We received a letter by owl yesterday at Diagon Alley! Rather cryptic actually:

Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes, 

93 Diagon Alley,

Tomorrow, Hogwarts, teacher taken care of, biggest profits you'll ever see! 4pm, Defence Against the Dark Arts… Green Tights!

Harry and Ron turned round and looked at Hermione who tried her best to look innocent but was finding it difficult to hold down her laughter.

"Go on then! Lets see what you've got!" said Harry eagerly fishing out money from his pockets.

"I'm sure you've seen this before," said George as Fred pulled out what looked like an ordinary wizards hat. " These as you very well know are headless hats… Already have one you say? Well they have been modified as I will demonstrate…"

" Pleese leeve imeliateely. I wil nokave you usin mie clarse room fore shelling your goodes!" Umbridge said as she finally regained consciousness and clearly having trouble speaking with hardly any teeth!

"Observe" Fred said as he placed the hat onto professor Umbridge's head! "Notice, not only has her head completely disappeared, but you can no longer hear her horrible toad like voice!"

The students began to run forwards towards Fred and George, clambering over desks, chairs and each other, madly waving money in the air! Umbridge began flailing her arms in front of her hoping to catch a passing student to take hostage but in having no look she made rude hand gestures at Fred and George who simply threw a copy of Defensive Magical Theory at her and hit square between the eyes.

" GOOD! Now we're rid of her who wants some Skiving Snack Boxes? Extendible Ears maybe? Or perhaps a Fake Wand or two?" shouted George above the students madly bidding for a headless hat.

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Haven't quite finished this chapter but I thought I'd put it up for all you nice people to read!!

Kind isn't I?


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